I am having a hard time so far opening up. Like a really hard time… but there have been a few moments of clarity and beauty as well, and I am hoping they become more frequent. I think it is becoming apparent to me just how much struggle I am going to have to go through before the horizon- and all I can see for the most part is the struggle and it’s.. just hard.
Maybe I thought it would work: a little bliss builds up and takes the place of the misery and the ratio slowly shifts from 90% misery and 10% bliss, to 80/20, to 70/30… lol I don’t know. But working during all of this is really hard. I think the welcome center is a good spot, and I really wish I could just be positive and enjoy the amazingness and how wonderful it is that I am here… Why the EFF am I choosing misery in this situation AT ALL? It seems wrong… but I am thinking maybe it is part of the process.